Saturday, October 14, 2006
tonight i really feel like blogging, need somewhere to pen down my thoughts. my questions will most prob be left unanswered, but i need to write it down somewhere. a pretty uneventful day with the morning being occupied with floorball and the gym induction session. the gym is way cool..
afternoon was spent playing dota with bro.. frankly speaking.. it was a damn enjoyable session. i haven't touched dota for 2 wks.. it is quite refreshing to play.
later on at night was the EE potluck at cromwell street where everyone whipped up a delicacy and brought it down to eat.. due to my lack of culinary skills i simply oven baked some pizza and bought chips down to the flat.. but the pizza is a bestseller so no complaints! a routine round of introduction followed by multiple rounds of bridge amongst the freshers..
end of it all.. came a lengthy chat with william talking abt his feelings, things like how he feel at night, the emotional issues stemming out of lonliness, his words struck a chord within all of us... and it resonates inside me.. it all sounds so familiar.. i seem to be looking at a replicate of myself. now the question comes.. am i doing enough to preserve this relationship? is my decision to not go back during december a misjudgement and overestimation on my own part? i just want to experience more, and maybe start going back when i truly am sick of the new stuff that is happening around me.. i am definitely doing what i can to preserve the relationship right now. insignificant each day's conversation may be.. but i hold it dear to my heart.. hurtful words i hurled unrelentingly at miranda is simply a self defense mechanism to make myself feel more worthwhile, i don't mean anything i say, i regret saying anything that bad once i said it.. darling please forgive me. i love u.. the fact that a lot of people are heading back to singapore is not helping much with consoling my feelings.. now it is too late to head back, most prob i will be placed on the waiting list.. darling please forgive me for making this decision, it is not the easiest decision to make.. it had been 2 wks so far.. the saddest of days was the day after reaching london... after that i had been so caught up with work that i haven't slowed down and try to talk to the inner me.. the feelings that are dying to get out.. as the days go by.. i may not have as much time to webcam and talk anymore, i will definitely miss these times that we talk.. i want to get stronger.. i need to get stronger than i am.. i am just a flaw.. i must be strong for the good of everyone.. be strong..
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Lip En pours his heart again
at |10:55 PM|
